Archive for November, 2010

Hei I Miss You!

Posted: November 30, 2010 in my black coffee

it’s beautiful day today, the sun shines brightly and brought me a happy feeling. I finished some lines of email for my friend, sipping my coffee and was a bit running to the class. No, not that I am so happy for the lesson, I just don’t wanna miss this beautiful day. Maybe I am kinda crazy now, but if I see myself back then I didn’t really appreciate the sun like I do now. Yes having 6 full months of shiny days back to my country made me ignoring this blessing. So I marched to the class smiling, oh I felt like whisling, but I can not do it, I don’t know how. And I really think this bright day made people happier, I laughed alot with my classmates and one of them even taught me a poem that I had to repeat it again and again but what I got is curled tongue and they all laughed at me.  Then as I sat beside my friends waiting for the teacher coming, I saw the blackboard and read some words written on it from the previous lesson. I found myself understand the words, and it’s not even Italian, English, French or my mother language (it’s impossible). It was his language, the basic one, so of course it automatically dragged my memory to him, when he enthusiastically taught me his language. It didn’t ruin my mood, fortunately, but I feel slightly sad, and kinda miss him. But, then the teacher didn’t come and I felt like a high school girl who’s very happy to leave the class sooner. And I marched back to my apartment amongst the crowd and realized that since yesterday there are demonstrations in a whole country. I smelled weed in the air, what a beautiful day that you don’t even have to pay for the weed but you can also enjoy the smell.

In my room, I let the all the windows open, the door to the balcony too, I swept away all the leaves on my balcony, they have covered the whole floor. Then I buzzed my friend only saying how beautiful today is and we finally decided how shameful it is if we only stay in the room in front of computer, beside taking some pictures of people demonstrating might be fun or,smelled the free weed in the air?  So we went… and cursing myself because I left the battery almost empty.

We walked up and down the hill, smiled to everyone before realizing the demonstration already marched to somewhere else and left nothing but some empty beer cans. So apparently we missed two things, the demonstration and the free weed, well I am not into beers anyway. But nothing really ruin our mood today, so we continued walking from one corner to the end, and circling around and back. And finally sat down on one bench, looking at people passing by while somehow thinking how I finally be on the last month of the year in this country. A real rollercoaster life, which sometimes being on the top but many other times on the very below. And I miss alot of people back in my country and miss alot of moments there. Couple of my friends married, others getting pregnant and my own sister has a baby that I only could see over the internet. And I miss you, even you are here and we share the same air as I suddenly saw you passing by the square alone, and it’s so you that my eyes won’t be mistaken. The black jacket and the sling bag. The serious look and the crooked nose. Hei, I miss you, my heart yelling. I know you won’t hear. Hei, I miss You! my heart again yelling in your language. You went by. I smiled at my self, I guess this is how God works, he listened to me what I said in the morning that I miss this guy. So He sent him passing the square to me seeing him, without him being noticed. Then I packed up my camera with that half empty battery and going home. However, this was beautiful day that luckily I didn’t miss.


love in a mug of tea

Posted: November 25, 2010 in story over coffee
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Oh well, it’s raining again outside, a hail, not yet a snow, with a hard windblows. I am sitting here, blowing my hot jasmine tea that my mom sent me. It’s our family tradition to have tea each afternoon, and talk over about everything, life in general, school and even boys. We shared laughter alot and she hearts my sadness in very good way. On rainy days, mom made us hot chocolate, where my mom will still have her jasmine tea and I was only snuggling the blanket and my head on her lap.  She would start telling me some stories, and she is very good in story telling, which when I grew up, I realized they were all not real, it was only my mom making up the story to fill up my imagination. Ah how funny my mommy is.

I miss my mom and her jasmine tea, she loves it thick, hot and not too sweet, with lemon sometimes. She loves to let the tea leaf in her mug, ah ya, we never used a cup for tea, but a mug, sometimes a big one. I made the same tea too here, in a mug of course, but she is thousand miles away from me that we can not do our afternoon talk or listening to me whinning over. So the taste is the same but the feeling never been the same. Beside, I stop whining over everytime I am away from her (which is often), because once I did that and cried over the telephone, my mom keep calling me thousand times in a day, only to make sure I am okay. So, I keep everything by myself, cry over my pillow until I fell asleep. But the bedtime is the hardest time when everything comes up in my mind, all the scenes, the stories, the questions, the unanswered questions, specially. Yes, my mind is trully sadomasochist that left me always tortured by the end of each night.

Oh well, I miss my mom and her jasmine tea, and the love she puts in it.


Posted: November 23, 2010 in story over coffee
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I love bubblewrap since I was a little. So, everytime my mom bought some fragile things such as vase, plates or any electronical stuffs, I would be patiently waiting until everything unwrapped and I can have the bubblewraps for myself. Sometimes, I shared them with my big brother, but mostly I kept them for myself. Not literally keep them, actually, because what I did was, popping off the bubbles, from one side to another. Sometimes I did randomly, like started popping them off from the center, and went zigzagging. And I love the sound when they were popped off. And it’s somehow very addictive, that I could not stop until everything popped off. It gives me a happy feeling not to mention a good giggles.

I love bubblewrap, not only because I can have a good feeling after popping them off, but because the ability of this simple thing in protecting stuffs from breaking. I once had my camera (SLR one) being sent from my capital city to my home city, and I received it flawless, thanks to bubblewrap. So I was thinking, if only the heart (yes the heart which any living creature has) had a bubblewrap in protecting it from breaking, so there won’t be the certain thing called “brokenhearted”. Would it be nice?

I talked to my closed friend, she was my neighbor when we were still in our country and also my workmate when we worked in one of International Organization which concern about disaster and things related to it. We moved to this continent at about the same time. We manage to talk, from time to time, sporadically, we never mind at all. In fact, the distance makes us even closer. But hei, speaking of which, it’s actually our topic for today, The Long Distance Relationshit. Tell me I am such a hopeless romantic, but instead of asking her to give up when she was whinning about her LDR, I was asking her to fight for her relationship and do any effort that she probably can do. It’s not that she can not find another better guy after her recent guy, but you can not just jump over to other person when you feel like your recent relationship stucked, can’t you? Tell me if you do, then I probably find the percentation of divorce is rising every single year, which is now yes. So I was telling her, it takes two to tango, go grab your boyfriend’s hands and ask him to dance (with you). I am not a kind of person telling to leave this relationship and find another guy. Hei what’s wrong with fight over it? I guess everyone deserves to be fought over and so does your partner. 

Red Lipstick

Posted: November 20, 2010 in my black coffee
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I lose my happy thoughts recently, both because what happened to my country and what privately happened to my life. I have been struggling alot dragging back all the happy thoughts and adopting people’s happiness, but yes, it’s easier said than done. I found my self even more fragile than I used to be, for telling you the truth, I am a crier, I am a person who cry easily, but lately it’s even worse.

Anything reminds me about him, makes my eyes watery,  I don’t even want it. So I closed any access about him, that I don’t even dare to know, to see or to find out. I deleted everything about him, and wish that I could also erase all the memories about him, both good or bad ones. Call me a coward, but I guess everyone has their own decision to ease their feeling, to be happy! So here it is for me. I keep my self busy, attending all the classes, writing more, spending more time in library, taking another way to not see him. I shopped some new outfits and put make up on my face, taking bunch of pictures of my fake smiles and hoping sooner or later it won’t be a fake one anymore. One of my friend always asked me out for party and meet some guys and start flirting on them with my red lipstick on and my seducious look. But I am not a kind of person who throw my self to one party to another to send some signals to guys to date with me. No, it’s not my kind. But anyway, I put my red lipstick on and feel good about it. So red lipstick is a worth-trying, not about seducing guys or getting ready to throw myself to party, it’s simply because I just feel happy about it.

At that hard time, there is also a moment that I feel so low, thinking I am not even good compare to anyone, not a pretty one, well, that kind of feeling. Thinking like, everybody is prettier, younger and better than me, that easily can make guys looking at them without doing alot efforts, maybe you know that kind of feeling. So I came up one day asking my friends (yes friends, not only one!) how do they think about me? do I look like a cool kind of girl (ok Woman, for my case)? do they think that guys will like me and throw over themselves on me, things like that questions. And what I got is a Laughter! yes with a capital L!!

Anyway, after criticizing me for having an adult crisis, they started telling me the truth (I hope). First, they said I am a good friend, understanding, and fun to be with. As a traveler (this is for my bestest friend who has the same concern with me of traveling around the globe), I am such a best traveler bud who is countable and again, fun to be with. Not a good map reader though and also don’t know how to count in English, but okay. As a woman, my friend added, I know how to fashion and never failed on it. And she admitted how once she wanted to copy my style, when I was wearing my simple white shirt and boots. They looked good on me, she said. And she envies about,  how me writing good and have a real good sense of art in photography, both taking pictures or editing them with photoshop kind of thing and rarely women can really do things about that, other than taking a lot pictures of  partying and all those socializing things without any sense of art at all. And smart (pheww.. finally) because I can talk about anything ranging from Disaster Management, and the racial issue which triggered the World War II, or the silly things like .. Obama is a lefthanded… or does our President have the same office with his Vice President?

Anyway, that’s how they think about me, from women’s point of view. And for the men? It’s very simple. One said, for me, you are pretty and that’s it! and another said, even the most beautiful woman in the world will get old and have wrinkles on her face, getting ugly, so why bother? Beauty is in the heart… OWWHH CLICHE! I cried out, but then he added, c’mon! you’re not such a person who’s narrow minded thinking that the looks come first? Are you? … I shook my head firmly and said “No”.  So move on! You need time to mourn, do it, but don’t waste a whole lot of your time for doing that only. World is waiting for you to participate and its not a patient one, mind you. And I asked… with my Red Lipstick on?? He bursted out in laugh and said ” Yes why not, if it makes you feel better, surely the world will bend on its knee, if you do.. 🙂 “