Red Lipstick

Posted: November 20, 2010 in my black coffee
Tags: , ,

I lose my happy thoughts recently, both because what happened to my country and what privately happened to my life. I have been struggling alot dragging back all the happy thoughts and adopting people’s happiness, but yes, it’s easier said than done. I found my self even more fragile than I used to be, for telling you the truth, I am a crier, I am a person who cry easily, but lately it’s even worse.

Anything reminds me about him, makes my eyes watery,  I don’t even want it. So I closed any access about him, that I don’t even dare to know, to see or to find out. I deleted everything about him, and wish that I could also erase all the memories about him, both good or bad ones. Call me a coward, but I guess everyone has their own decision to ease their feeling, to be happy! So here it is for me. I keep my self busy, attending all the classes, writing more, spending more time in library, taking another way to not see him. I shopped some new outfits and put make up on my face, taking bunch of pictures of my fake smiles and hoping sooner or later it won’t be a fake one anymore. One of my friend always asked me out for party and meet some guys and start flirting on them with my red lipstick on and my seducious look. But I am not a kind of person who throw my self to one party to another to send some signals to guys to date with me. No, it’s not my kind. But anyway, I put my red lipstick on and feel good about it. So red lipstick is a worth-trying, not about seducing guys or getting ready to throw myself to party, it’s simply because I just feel happy about it.

At that hard time, there is also a moment that I feel so low, thinking I am not even good compare to anyone, not a pretty one, well, that kind of feeling. Thinking like, everybody is prettier, younger and better than me, that easily can make guys looking at them without doing alot efforts, maybe you know that kind of feeling. So I came up one day asking my friends (yes friends, not only one!) how do they think about me? do I look like a cool kind of girl (ok Woman, for my case)? do they think that guys will like me and throw over themselves on me, things like that questions. And what I got is a Laughter! yes with a capital L!!

Anyway, after criticizing me for having an adult crisis, they started telling me the truth (I hope). First, they said I am a good friend, understanding, and fun to be with. As a traveler (this is for my bestest friend who has the same concern with me of traveling around the globe), I am such a best traveler bud who is countable and again, fun to be with. Not a good map reader though and also don’t know how to count in English, but okay. As a woman, my friend added, I know how to fashion and never failed on it. And she admitted how once she wanted to copy my style, when I was wearing my simple white shirt and boots. They looked good on me, she said. And she envies about,  how me writing good and have a real good sense of art in photography, both taking pictures or editing them with photoshop kind of thing and rarely women can really do things about that, other than taking a lot pictures of  partying and all those socializing things without any sense of art at all. And smart (pheww.. finally) because I can talk about anything ranging from Disaster Management, and the racial issue which triggered the World War II, or the silly things like .. Obama is a lefthanded… or does our President have the same office with his Vice President?

Anyway, that’s how they think about me, from women’s point of view. And for the men? It’s very simple. One said, for me, you are pretty and that’s it! and another said, even the most beautiful woman in the world will get old and have wrinkles on her face, getting ugly, so why bother? Beauty is in the heart… OWWHH CLICHE! I cried out, but then he added, c’mon! you’re not such a person who’s narrow minded thinking that the looks come first? Are you? … I shook my head firmly and said “No”.  So move on! You need time to mourn, do it, but don’t waste a whole lot of your time for doing that only. World is waiting for you to participate and its not a patient one, mind you. And I asked… with my Red Lipstick on?? He bursted out in laugh and said ” Yes why not, if it makes you feel better, surely the world will bend on its knee, if you do.. 🙂 “

  1. helenerea says:

    Well, i have experience too about this. But in that experience, red lipstick makes my lips dried and not fresh. Instead i put lip gloss. Then i asked my self, do i really want to seduce a man with a wet look lips? Well, i suppose, seduction should come naturally. You will be there. Keep up your chin, and smile to the world.

    • that’s what i am telling, darling.. i put the red lipstick on just because i feel happy about it, not because i wanna seduce man.. errr… i am naturally flirtatious without that.. 😛

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