Archive for December, 2010


Posted: December 31, 2010 in through the lens


I seriously don’t know how…

Posted: December 29, 2010 in story over coffee

I seriously don’t know how to make friends with guy here in this country without them in the end asking me to have sex. I need to survive here, thus I need to make friends, both for practising the language or simply to socialize. Hei, we are human, aren’t we? We need to see people, to talk, to share the ideas or whatever human usually does. It’s not that I build my own wall surrounding my world, I let people in, but no trespassing.

So, here is the story, I exchanged the cellphone number with some guys, in the needs of improving the language and have somebody to share, I exchanged with girls too, but I have no idea why they don’t regularly sending me text like guys do. Beside, I have 4000 text in  a month for only 2 Euro, so why don’t I spend them. It was good at first, I improved the language significantly, both writing or talking but then the text become more offensive. I don’t know why it’s always ended up with these such questions  1. do you like sex? 2. do you like oral sex? 3. don’t you do sex? Oh I was tempted to answer the first 2 questions with, “who doesn’t?” But I was worried that they will misinterpret my answer. So I played safe by replying “if I did, I would not tell you this such things”. But that answer also not right, because the reply was “oh so you just did, it’s good to know, a good sign too, I like to do it often” . A good sign my ass! And I don’t give a shit how often people does that.

So I seriously don’t know how to make friends with guy here in this country, when I let them in to my apartment, they think I welcome them to do the sex thingy with them. If I politely refused them, they politely asking me “are you sure you don’t wanna see my d*ck?” Like I would miss a big thing! God! So, again it’s not that I build walls over my life, it’s just that I don’t feel secure with these certain people. And these things are only a few of my insecurity experiences here, I have more that I don’t feel like to share. Not to mention of those thousands phone calls on funny hours or the knockings on the door, the squeezed ass and so on, oh I so seriously don’t know how to make friends with guy here in this country.

good news or bad news first? okay, Good News comes first. That my brother is getting married next year, yes next year, which is actually 3 days ahead? well, Okay he’s not gonna married precisely on January 1st but yes on the year 2011. The bad news is… that I probably can not come :(But anyway, who knows where my life would take me. It could be back there and attending my brother’s wedding or I will be somewhere else new. I mean, as I know very well that I never stay too long in one place. My friend once told me that I am a citizen of the world which happened to be born in my country. Ah I wish I had an International Stay Permit.

and yes, new year is coming closer and I should have planned for my resolution like most people do. So it’s gonna be Macca and Turkey on 2011 and some parts of Africa for the work, working on my high skilled immigrant visa, if possible attending my brother’s wedding, finishing my study (owh i really am not sure about this) and the last but not least, to fall in love again (I hope it’s not hard) and I dont put this list accordingly, any of them could come  first or  last, it’s not a matter.

So let me gather up my brain and my heart altogether to work those things out. Get a grip on myself, so chop chop.. alot of things to be done..  and HAPPY NEW YEAR people…

what if ?

Posted: December 10, 2010 in story over coffee
Tags: ,

What if I got it wrong?

And no poem or song..

Could put right what I got wrong,

Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide

That you don’t want me there by your side

That you don’t want me there in your life.

#coldplay song