Archive for August, 2012

okay, I wanna whine. For everything. Everything around and everything in me.

People you can celebrate this season, hell yeah, grab your booze, put on your bikini, the shades and take your cute boyfriends too. Go, do it. While I am stuck here in my room. Busy doing nothing!!! No, I aint like this season, I aint like the sun hits me right onto my skin. It’s too much. Too much for this tropical girl. I don’t give a damn about your excuse, this Africa Cyclone or whatever that brings the hot wave to this place.

I barely breathing!! My brain doesn’t work! I sleep nearly 20 hours a day, I am being super un-productive person. I can not manage this heat!!!! I even lose my appetite, well okay, I am not an eater though but knowing that I lost another 2kg is quite a pity. God, I just want this overheated summer is over, and will happily embrace the fall season. Cause I need to fall, maybe even harder. I am sorry summer, I don’t love you like I did before, this is just too much. Beside, you don’t bring any fling this time, so what’s the point to keep being here?!!


just a thought a way

Posted: August 22, 2012 in story over coffee

“la persona che ami di più è probabilmente la persona che farti male di più”

okay, the translation will be “the person who you love the most is probably the person who hurt you the most” . No, I am not talking in romantic tone, because the person that you love the most is not always the person who you thought your significant other.

Of course it can be considered as your bestfriends, the member of your family and so on and so on. And the hurt is not always about a broken hearted of so called “romantic love”.

The death is one of the things, the distance even the marriage of your bestfriend maybe.  Can you even imagine the feeling of your mother when you decided to study or to work in the place far away from her? Can you even imagine the lost of the member of your family? Can you even imagine when your dearest friend getting married and start to raise her/his own family? It’s a broken hearted too. Some even worse than the broken hearted from the thing (again) so-called “romantic love”.

One day, I asked my mom, how she feels being away from me. She was silent. The silence which seriously kills me. Then she answered  “How do you feel a broken heart? Hurt, doesn’t it?” I nodded, I know she could not see me since we were talking over the phone. She plainly added, “that’s how  i feel, hurt. Only a hundred times worse, however I manage, by praying, if it still hurts, I pray more”.

I was speechless. Since then I don’t dare myself to ask this kind of question again to my mom. But as a human being, we can not avoid this phase. Like it or not, ready or not. I mean, I believe every moms would love the kids always being around them, don’t they? And I know moms always think we are such a baby, however old we are. But as the time passed and we grow and having our opinions and of course want our freedom too,  it’s time for us to go and grab our dreams. Before, we explored our back yards with moms looking out in worry of us fallen. Now we want to explore the world with moms still worry but saying a prayer instead. I believe they never get ready. But there is always the time for broken hearted. Always, ready or not. And there is also time to be healed. There is always the time when she had to let us go. Either going somewhere else place or getting married and living with our new family. But, there is also the time to be reunited again.

And in my side as a kid, do you think I am ready for the death of my father? though he was very sick for 3 continuous years. Of course NOT. I always avoided thinking about that, until the day came. But as wise people say, time heals. However long it will take, eventually only time heals. And put your prayer and never get tired about it.

So this thing as a reminder for my self. All in the world comes in pair. Happiness with Sadness. Togetherness with Loneliness. And also there were the times when we were close by distance and now being far away also by distance. And every living creature has its time. You and I have our times. Use it, Use it wisely. And in the moment you were down, always remember, it will not take forever. And again never let your praying kneels get lazy. It seriously gets you move forward.

paper birds… paper birds

Posted: August 10, 2012 in story over coffee

ever in one time .. i’d like to have the story about these paper birds continue.  But then it should stop for one and another reason. The memories still remain, yet the paper birds have flown somewhere.  Could they have their own story or stop in one point. I have no idea. I keep the memories and the pictures to remind me that once, there could have been a story about these paper birds. 

not my season… !

Posted: August 10, 2012 in story over coffee

I notice this already August, time flies and to frankly admit that i don’t progress much. My thesis is on big delay. My fault, when i had free time, I should have start to compile things. But anyway, talk is cheap and regret always comes late. So yes now i am in the middle of struggling, at least struggling on keeping my consistency of making this thesis happened! Because this stuff starts creeping slowly both in my dreams and my awake. Hufft!

Parallel in my world, that is also Ramadhan month, which is a holy month for us moslems. And again, time flies and I find my self already on the 2/3 of Ramadhan, means it’s about to over soon. Sad! Sad how I pass it without my family though I have extended family here. Sad that I am not productive at all during this Ramadhan month, because the weather is really unfriendly, last time I checked on the weather information that the Ciclone d’Africa heats most part of where I  live now. The approximate temperature everyday starts about 33 – 40 C. So instead of staying at home during this summer break and start to write something for my thesis, i found myself, laying on the bed most of the time, nearly dying, I heard my heart screaming water.. water .. i need water ..  oh well it’s my hallucination. All I can do is soaking the towel wet and rub on my skin, everytime I feel my skin tingling of the heat. Or to put it on my forehead cause it gets me dizzy! (not sure was it because the heat or the thesis, yet it gets me dizy anyhow!)

So this is not my season, if someday people ask me what season / month / day that you most likely don’t like to remember. I will be gladly say, this summer 2012. Where I have to struggle on my thesis, the heat of summer and the reality that I do my fasting in Ramadhan month alone (not really alone, anyway). But, okay I always remember the craziness over our dining table during Ramadhan month, the smell of my mom’s cook, the preparation and so on, and so on. (no, i am not beginning to cry…!). But anyway, my mom calls me routinely, what we call routine is once a week, to share most of everything, for her preaching on me (oh yeah!) and for me to share my kind of boring life (read: thesis) until the line is cut for surely because the credit is over. Haha! But however however for me the call from mom is always a mood booster. And my brother keeps sending me email, at least one time a day, sometimes it’s only one line of joke (our internal joke), sometimes it’s the newest picture of his baby boy. And it’s my energy too. You know, like when you’re staring out of nowhere, it’s better to stare at your cutie little nephew, isn’t it? So that’s what I do every single day, staring at the pictures of my cutie little nephew. Not to mention to cry over those pictures and also smile, well, call me crazy .. :). But I am a happily crazy aunt, to be precised.

So, yes it’s my update. Kind of boring, but it’s okay than kind of sad .. 🙂

so anyway … happy summer for whoever loves it, and happy fasting for whoever does it and keep struggling on thesis for whoever which almost lose the will to continue … (like me) .