Archive for December, 2012

scattered heart

Posted: December 28, 2012 in story over coffee




Posted: December 28, 2012 in story over coffee


SAUDADE : The Portuguese word for a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost. It often carries a fatalistic tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return. It was once described as “the love that remains” or “the love that stays” after someone is gone.

the doomsday

Posted: December 28, 2012 in my black coffee

This end of the year is a little different from others. The weather is warmer than before. I remember how I always wore at least 4 layers of clothes under my jacket before going out, despite of how skinny I was. Well, I am still skinny though, but last time I checked the temperature, it was between 9-11 Celsius. So it is not cold, however skinny my body is. Anyway, December 2012 it is, and for some people had a discussion about the end of the world by 21st of December, I remember quite sometimes ago I had this silly discussion with a guy, about the end of the world, and where we will be by that time (December 2012, to be précised). Not because we believe of the Mayan prediction about the doomsday, it was because we really wondered where we will be, and what happened to us. Nobody had a clear idea about that, I could not read what he wants by that time, while I was expecting to be with him until the end of the world. Well I didn’t say that to him though, fortunately. But anyway, here I am, by the end of the year of 2012, without him, with no regret. However big I had infatuation on him before, it’s passed. It took me some hard moment to really let it passed though.


Quite 3-4 days ago, I saw my skype blinked, there was one name shown on the screen, asking to add me on the skype. It was him. I checked again the name, it was him. I don’t get hurt anymore; on the other hand I feel nothing. Of course I still remember how his name disappeared from my skype’s list sometimes ago. It was him deleting me. I don’t get the point why he’s adding me again. I talked to my best friend, she said “approve him, then after he realized, delete him, show him that you can do what he did to you before”. I didn’t do it, I let him instead, not being approved, nor being deleted. There you go hanging somewhere waiting for whatever from me. My close friend here asked me, “Is he married?” I plainly answered “I don’t know, there’s nothing about him that I know now”.

But it got me thinking, not about whether he got married or not, it’s about, what the heck this guy wants from me. I mean it’s clear about the path we took, that we won’t be together. He made me taking the path, I was not okay, but little by little I pulled my self together and manage my life without him, of course.autumn walk And it is fine. It’s liberating.  I am sure from time to time he views my happy life and how I get my smile back and challenge the world again, or overheard about me. I don’t hide though, but if somehow he reads this note, yes this is for him. I am okay; I stop crying since a long time ago. And I already forgot how my heart was hurt yet I don’t want to memorize it. So, I woke up at the next day to get online on skype to reject him. We have nothing to talk about now. Our moment has passed, also the end of the day that once we talked about has already passed. There are no way our lives cross again. I have my path, he has his own. And let it be.

6 minutes of fame

Posted: December 16, 2012 in story over coffee, through the lens

i feel so pity if i pass December without posting anything. Despite of everything happened to me, I would like to tell you, that last month was my (together with some friends) 6 minutes of fame.

I called it 6 minutes of fame, because it was us performed in 6 minutes, and it ended up with everyone (well almost everyone) by the end of the performance came to the stage and congratulated us.

It was a great feeling. And I would like to post some pictures, and all the credits go to my dear friend who nicely captured the whole performance.

here we go