Archive for August, 2013

Ningrum Namaku

Posted: August 31, 2013 in story over coffee

Starbucks at 5, that’s how the text message she just sent. She doesn’t have to explain which starbucks, they simply knew which one. It takes 1 hour by bus, for the old time sake, she said to herself. She re-applied the make up, more blush and 917 Maybelline lipstick will do. One deep breath and says “I will just go”. It was 3:49, bit hurry to the bus stop.

She was earlier, and just had a message that he will come in less than 20 minutes. She waits anxiously. She was enough with coffee that makes her even more nervous. Yet, she ordered coffee to calm down her nerve. Time flies she thinks and it’s been 2 years that they don’t see each other.  How it’s gonna be? How he will be like?

17 minutes later he came, thinner than she might recall. She just doesn’t need to have the second look to be sure, that he is him. He looks older in 2 years; the grey hair seems like to grow quite faster. And the wrinkles in the corner of eyes obviously carved there now. Like, it was there since a long time ago. He less adorable than she last time met him. But obviously the grey hair makes him look more matured. The wrinkles supposed to be from some stories. Well,  he is still adorable, but now  in a different way. 

“Hard, you wouldn’t believe me” , I need two days to tell you the stories” as he starts talking about how he gets those wrinkles. 

“Yeah you can start telling me by now, I have 3 days to accompany you in this city” she said.
He burst in laughter.  The laughter is still the same, the only one thing she could recall about him.
She learned his face by looking at him deeply. “You are different now, Takeda san” 
“I think I am, Arumi chan” the only person who calls her with this name. 

Ningrum namaku, aku mengarungi lautan hanya untuk mencari sebuah jawaban. Atau mungkin untuk sekedar pembuktian.  Aku  ingin menemui laki-laki yang pernah mengisi ruang kosong jiwaku, dulu, dua tahun yang lalu. Dulu kami bertemu dan hanya mampu memandang, tak lebih, atau sekedar menghabiskan satu gelas kopi dalam sore yang diam. Membicarakan cuaca untuk kemudian saling mengamati satu sama lain. Mengamati tawa, mengamati senyum dan mencoba mengira-ngira apa yang ada di dalam hati.  
Maka sekarang aku datang, jauh dari siapapun, jauh dari orang-orang yang aku kenal. Menuntaskan rasa, rasa yang dulu kami pendam baik-baik. Jauh dari pandangan siapapun. 

Surat elektroniknya datang bertubi-tubi.
 
Mungkin kita akan berbicara lebih banyak kali ini Arumi chan. Tidak ada yang perlu kita takutkan. Semua yang membuat kita terbebani sudah kita tinggalkan jauh di belakang. Atau setidaknya kota yang membuat kita terbebani sudah tidak lagi kita tinggali. Kota di mana kita mengutuki kehidupan di dalamnya setiap hari. Kota di mana kita dipertemukan.
Aku hanya ingin merasakan bagaimana duduk berdampingan denganmu di pinggir kolam renang dan bercerita tentang segalanya. 
Mungkin jika kita cukup bertenaga untuk melewati malam di sebuah bar, dan sedikit menari di lantai dansa. 

Room 1419, I will ask another extra key for you, he said. 
She didn’t really pay attention, just being stunned with the lights from all the high-rise buildings over the window. 
I will sleep on the couch; you can have all side of the bed. He added.
Well, I don’t mind if you sleep there, it’s a big bed anyway.  She said
She realized it was all rhetoric. He and she know exactly what they want. 

Ningrum namaku, saya  memiliki keluarga yang memegang teguh adat istiadat. Hanya boleh begini, tidak boleh begitu. Mengiyakan  apa yang dikatakan orang tua, atau siapapun yang dituakan. Kesenangan adalah dosa. Begitulah orang tuanya senantiasa mengingatkan. 
Ningrum namaku, aku berada pada antrian sebuah travel agent untuk memesan tiket pesawat pergi-pulang ke negara dimana aku akan menemui kesenanganku. Menjadikan pekerjaan sebagai dalih. 

They kissed, at the very first night. 
Again she examined his face, 
“You have very soft skin, Arumi chan” as they kissed and kissed. 

Kesenangan adalah dosa, Ningrum. Suara itu memenuhi dinding-dinding kamar hotel.  Mendadak tubuhnya menjadi kaku. Menyergapnya tiba-tiba.
“stop Takeda san, stop.. please “
“why? Do I hurt you? “
“yes.. I mean No.. No but .. I don’t know “

Ningrum namaku, dan aku tahu dia telah menikah, dari dulu. Ketika aku duduk tenang memandang wajahnya yang berbinar riang setiap kali menceritakan dua anaknya. 
 
“Why are you married, Takeda san?”
“Because I can not stand the loneliness, that feeling is unbearable, when I come home after work, I found my house is empty, I spent the whole night by myself, I need somebody to welcome me, asking about my day”
“Do you love your wife?”
“I do, I do love her, I even remember every detail why I love her and why I marry her”
“then why are we here?”
“I have no idea, Arumi chan, I feel like that I am attracted to you, is that wrong?”
“wrong.”

Ningrum namaku, sedari dulu aku tidak pernah percaya bahwa kesenangan itu dosa. Yang aku tahu merampas kesenangan orang lain itu dosa. Seperti yang aku lakukan sekarang. 

“Why are you leaving Arumi chan?”
“because this is not right”
“we have been this far and already discussed about this long time ago, now you changed your mind? you wanted this, no?”
“go home, Takeda San, somebody is waiting for you…”

Ningrum namaku, di bangku panjang ruang tunggu sebuah bandara. Mengancing rapatkan jaket untuk menghalau dingin yang menusuk. Tidak ada yang menyambutku dirumah nanti. Hanya dinding-dinding kosong apartemen yang dingin. Aku kelu. Kesenangan bukanlah dosa, merampas kesenangan orang lain itu dosa. Aku merampas kesenanganku sendiri, dosakah?

 

*the story was written on June 12 2009 

*no picture needed