Red My Lips is a global campaign designed to raise awareness about sexual violence and combat rape myths and victim-blaming.
Wear red lipstick throughout the month of April which is sexual assault awareness month.

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I Love You

Posted: April 18, 2015 in story over coffee
Tags: , , , , , ,

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way.
Sonnet XVII

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It was pitch dark, about 4 in the morning when the driver assistant woke us up telling that we have arrived in our destination.
“Bangun!! Kalian sudah sampai” (wake up! It’s your destination, you have to get down here”
With eyes half open, and still wrapped around with sarong, we dragged our feet after grabbing our backpack and carrier half consciously trying to find the door. It’s merely like a dream, just about 12 hours ago we had experience on traditional burial ceremony in other remote place, still had our minds on it, how festive the ceremony was, the food, the people and everything around. Then we arrived in another place, just the 2 of us, in the middle of darkness.
Instead of bothered about what the driver’s assistant did to us, we laughed, wholeheartedly while geting down from the bus.
We didn’t know where we were, we barely saw each other, we realized it was only 2 of us and nothing else or maybe with many things around us. Again, it was pitch dark, we barely saw each other’s teeth no matter how wide our laughter were.
As we walked couple of steps, all of sudden we were surrounded by some guys with motorcycles, we did not know where they came from. Our hearts raced, our brains tryin to comprehend what’s goin on. One of them spoke to us. “Hei, the bus station or the port are about 3-4 km from here, and there won’t be any transportation to go there by this hour, you better go with us”
Relieved, because they were only “motorcycle taxi” offering their service, but kept allerted for they probably ripping out our money on the service.
“We’ll walk, thank you” and kept moving forward for whatever we might find in front. Still with sarong, backpack and carrier, each of us holding big fat DSLR camera. Not so handy for our small bodies. I felt one of those straps, be it a carrier or camera’s strap started slicing my shoulder for the weights. While my bestfriend started getting fever. After only some hundreds meter we decided to stop on small restaurant which still closed and hoping it will be open very soon, unfortunately they didn’t but they allowed us to use the toilet and we couldn’t thank you enough for that.
The sun rose eventually at our in the middle of nowhere, and we could see the road, quite rough, as we tried to analize how would we go. The things were not as creepy as we imagined before, when it was dark. We finally decided to use the “motorcycle taxi” to the bus station. As we saw people started their daily activities. Some of them are farmer, more are the boat maker / crafter. As this place wellknown as the place of pinisi boat* production. Our heart raced again, this time for excitement of another adventure. I forgot the hurts on my shoulder caused by the straps, my bestfriend felt better instantly. Our nerves waken up by the smell of the sea. Oh Jalesveva Jayamahe! Di Laut Kita Jaya! In english will be “in the sea we are Glorious!”
We waited inside the bus, was hot and very dry, the driver still wanted to add more people. We didn’t really understand the local language since we came from another island, so the best thing was just try to enjoy ourselves and embrace any condition we had. Then there was a young guy about 18 years old taking the same bus with us, tried to speak to us, asked many things and amazed how we 2 girls (considering from our bodies, we are classified as very small ones) been around some places and ended up in Tanjung Bira. Back to 2006-2007, there were only few people exploring this place and mostly guys, seldom girls. We talked alot and somehow inspired him, but the funniest thing is, he just dropped his destination and went along with us. He is a local person who went to bigger city to continue his study. As I recall, he was assigned in technic faculty, or another thing prestigious, and was about to go back to his hometown for semester break.
The road was rough and it was long, we both were dead tired and we could not even speak any words. I remember leaning my head on the window as I tried to sleep, but I could not, for the road was too bumpy. And we knew nothing about approximate time to get there, back then we only relied on the driver and the time, there was nothing we could do.
As we reached our place to stay, we again smelled the salty air from the sea. Natural endorphine. And we could not wait any minute to go to the sea. Left all our belongings in the room and hurried go to the sea, with cameras. It was breath taking scenery, the bluest blue of the sea. As we blended with local people, all heart warming yet overwhelming. At some points, we felt like our lives stop and started again in slo-mo. I clenched my bestfriend’s hand and said : babe, we’re home!
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PS:
Home is where the blue turquoise sea.
“me and my bestfriend”


Spooning right now???

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With you, yes you …


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Hai soltanto una vita. Fa ciò che ti rende felice, e usa il tuo tempo con chi ti fa sorridere. Se non sei felice, fa qualcosa in merito. Se i tuoi amici non hanno per te, trovane di nuovi. Se vuoi qualcosa, va e prendila. Cosa te lo impedisce? La vita è breve, non stare a chiederti cosa sarrebe se, se non provi non lo saprai. Segui sempre il tuo cuore. Non avere mai rimpianti. Certe occasioni arrivano solo una volta, acchiappale. Non crogialarti negli errori passati. Accetta le cose della vita che non puoi cambiare. Prova a non dar importanza a cosa gli altri pensano di te. Non paragonare le fortune degli altri alle tue. Dai sempre 100% in ogni cosa che fai. Abbi sogni e aspirazioni. Ama e smetti di analizzare troppo. Lasciati amare. Circondati delle persone che ami e fa ciò che ti piace fare. Sorridi agli altri e ridi più che puoi. Perdona in fretta, accogli le occasioni, viaggia spesso. Non aver paura di fallire. Prova nuove cose. Corri il rischio. Affronta le tue paure. Decidi ciò che vuoi nella vita e mira a quello. Non aspettare che le cose accadono, fa in modo che accadono. La vita è una grande avventura, ne possiedi una sola, quindi rendila migliore e più che puoi. ♥♡


What’s the story morning glory? We’re making a story today and capturing the moments. But first, coffee!

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-photo courtesy by me-


Although I adore the curves of your body. I wonder about the depth of your thoughts. I’ve grown weary of searching for oceans inside puddles. I do not care how wavy you are. If I can not swim in your substance, then do not drown me in your shallows.

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Have you?


This is how I remember you,
The salty lips when you kissed me, the sandy toes, the fresh smell of the sea.

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This is how I remember you,
The deep voice, the flat tone, the giggles in between.

This is how I remember you,
The strong hands, the solid muscles hugging from behind, the warm breath on the back of my neck.

This is how I remember you,
The rough fingers running through my skin, grabbing me closer to you.

This is how I remember you,
The wave of your heartbeats, when I lay my head upon your chest.

This is how I remember you,
The serious look behind the thick book.

This is how I remember you,
The warm feeling everytime I see you or when your name pop up on my phone screen.

This is how I remember you,
All the small things I cherish, all trivias and fun fact, spices and bandaid, the rough roads and the rain.

This is what I don’t want to remember you,
When you hugged me goodbye, when I struggled to hold my tears, when we said a promise to see again in other part of the earth.


This writing is not merely a rocket science, I warn you, human. If you think your IQ level will escalate after reading this, please leave this page, immediately.
First, I will introduce who I am, not by name of course nor about my life. Its not that I am so happy to tell you about my self, but after 30 years and so of my life, I am delighted to have this identification, beside, this thing will be related to what I write.
I am ambivert, it is the person who is moderately comfortable with groups and social interaction, but also relished time alone, away from a crowd. #justsoyouknow (Guess this post deserves hashtag in one way or another) I am neither an extrovert nor an introvert. So, go to hell about 16 personalities of human that from time to time identify me as an ISTP, who stands for Introvert, Sensing, Thinking and Perceiving. (I know you havent taken that test, it does not matter anyway) I dont mind about the other three identifications, but being identified as an Introvert got me thinking, because I dont feel like belong to that group. So yeah, lets say I am very comfortable with certain group of people for some certain reasons, but feel so detached to other group of people for some other reasons. And the crowd scares the hell out of me at some points but at the other time, I will just say, fuck it, bring it on!
Speaking of which, crowd drives me crazy, because you can not control the mind of the crowd, it wont hurt you though, it hurts me, I will just over think whatever people have in mind, be it a good thing or a bad thing. I always wonder whether there is anything more terrifying than the human mind. This is why I cherish myself as an avid reader. Reading is my sanctuary when the world outside seems to harm me. And this is where the purpose of my index finger at the first place, to swipe over page by page of the books (after being slightly licked on the tip, of course). But then in the harmful life crowding with uncontrollable minds, the purpose deviates.
As in parallel, we all are now living in digital / cyber life. The young people are not able to maintain the eye contact for roughly 7 minutes during real time conversation without checking their devices (smart phones) let alone to respond whatever in it. Sad but true. I don’t whine about this, other people did already. However this thing is inevitable. And its no exception for me. I limit my self to only use a few of social media apps, in order not to engage my self a way too much in this digital / cyber life. I proudly say, I deactivated my facebook since 2012 and I can manage the temptation to reactivate. And I am not into engaging myself into other famous apps such as path which tells where you are, what you are doing, eating and who you are fucking with. I like to keep my private things private.
But the other sides of cyber things fascinate me, all the simplicity, the easiness, and the ability of knowing things remotely, effortlessly. Things started when the observation comes in handy, you can do research back home, on your hammock or even under the mango tree (why mango tree??) and you dont necessarily meet the dork librarian to explain your needs, cause you got everything in your hands. So yes, it deviates, the purpose of index finger deviates. Still use it to swipe though, but now digitally. The smell of books will take your memories to a wonderland, but you can take e-book anywhere for the sake of its lightness.
And of course stalking comes handy as well. Imagine stalking in real life will creep the hell out of people not to mention having the restrain order would be ugly. I remember my best friend had this crush for sometime and she likely to be found checking this crush facebook over and over in a day. She could tell that this dude had 114 profile pictures and still not updating his status today. Frustrating, yet unbearable. We probably find ourselves googling our crushname, trying to figure out who he/she is. Hacking his/her pictures and putting them together with your pictures on “how does your future baby look like” software. Once, I hacked my ex boyfriend cell phone number (hope he doesnt read this post) and bombarded him with messages from never the same country code. I did trial and error first, sending it to my own number and checked the IP address and stuffs, tethering back and for from the computer to the cell phone, because of course you can not make any mistake. I was one of those pathetic people hacking stuffs and stalking certain people only because I can and (yes) pathetic.
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I am done with all of those now. Because whats the point of trying to figure out how the future baby look like by mixing up your picture and his/her picture? What about hacking his sperm and putting it together with your egg and do in vitro fertilization and be having mini you instead of the picture of future baby. Not a good idea!
But dude, I am here writing to actually praise the online shops. This is my new addiction (after coffee and traveling of course), back in Europe; I used to buy Indonesian food online from the Netherlands to Italy. Because sometimes you just could not take it anymore of mass production pasta from your University Canteen. How convenient it is   to only swipe your index finger on things you need and wait for couple of days to those stuffs come into your door. You dont fuzz to meet people to bargain / negotiate or even to walk in the nasty weather, no? I dont have to be in the crowd, Yay to that! Then you swipe more, from things necessary to the things that PROBABLY needed one day. (gotta prepare an umbrella for a rainy days). From basic needs to humm maybe I will need this bottle opener cause dude its 5% discount!!

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Then I started download the apps; amazon, tickets app, whatever, you name it. Swiping them in a daily basis, like this is my purpose of life, the purpose of my index finger. Because the feeling of waiting for the stuffs coming like you are in your childhood waiting for Santa on the Christmas eve and I dont even celebrate Christmas!!
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Back here, I found online shops are big business, they are everywhere, they use anything, and they are persistent. Instagram be like occupied by 50% of online shops. They sell anything, dicknity too (was it a correct spell??). One day, I found myself buying wig, I didnt know what I was thinking.

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Of course I sometimes have bad hair day like most people do, but buying wig?? Was it me or my alter ego or my index finger has its own mind. WIG! yes that extended hair, and I bought a short one, whats the point?? Then never used shirts, lipsticks, high heels (seriously), more never used cosmetics, toiletries, traveling bag, more shoes, chalk hair (yes, I am this silly), pants, train tickets, plane tickets, more train tickets, and more and more plane tickets and oh a plastic press. And I know I am not done yet, and I just heard the sound bing! from my cell phone and I should check, cause this supposed to be the offer of round tickets to humm another wonderland, andiamo!*

*andiamo! = Lets go!