Posts Tagged ‘heart’

I Love You

Posted: April 18, 2015 in story over coffee
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I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way.
Sonnet XVII



hey survivor!

Posted: February 27, 2011 in story over coffee
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This is exam season, it’s my logical reason for my absent in writing. Well, to be the truth, there is nothing really going on here, despite that I passed my exam with maximum mark :p. Others are just the same, the parties that I intentionally  missed, the cold lonely nights with coffee, music and books. The walk and the talk,  I still do. The coming and going of guys who keep trying and I keep refusing (of course). And the heart, my heart to be precised. She’s being very cooperative lately, maybe because I was torturing my brain more in balancing of my broken hearted, but whatever it is, I found them (both heart and brain) are survived. Or maybe I am simply a survivor that I barely known. And friends, ah surely they are the reason why I still be able to stand on my two skinny feet.

Time surely flies, it was just yesterday we celebrated the new year’s eve, and also it’s still in the back of my head how I was so down, I could not even think how I through those moments, but look at me now, it’s my smile decorate my face not the red lipstick.  Even in one day I woke up in the morning and searched my heart and asking to my self, “hei where are you? where is the heart which once broken down into pieces, are you still beating?” It’s not that I miss it, no, I just wonder how exactly the heart works, but then I knew, the broken hearted grows, because you have friends, who hold your hands, and the talks over coffee, over tea, over youtube, over soccer game, even over nothing, the walks in the 4 degrees temperature, the swing around huggies when your friend know you passed the exam, the simple greetings of good morning at 4 in the afternoon, the super silly jokes, the very late dinner, the purr of the cats, the everything that makes the wounded heart slowly stitched closed.

In the end, I know my heart will take me to another love when I am totally ready. I know right now I am being too careful, though all my friends encourage me to fall again, with or without parachute is another story. But surely, there will be a right time to fall and to be landed (to the right place). Because I believe everything will come at the right time, like now it’s not coincident that my radio playing the song with this lyric:


hey survivor
Don’t matter who you are
time ran so far away and you must save your life
(we know you can do it now….)

Hey survivor
you’re gonna fly away
to the places you’ve been
many times with a friend

hey survivor,
don’t you be afraid

hey survivor,
we’re gonna fly away, there will be another day

hey survivor
you will fall in love again,

I don’t even know who’s singing this song, but don’t you think those are very right words to describe about what I am and I feel now? Can I just call my self a survivor? because I feel so.

I am trying to compile things happened in 2010. Still remember how we were 6 standing on the balcony and screamed from the top of our lungs of whatever we felt like at that time. I was screaming out my country’s name. I had no idea what was in my mind. Then we started screaming out any word amongst the fireworks and thousands of pictures taking. What’s so good thing of new year is that we feel like start over again from the beginning. Even it’s not practically right, but yes we have another chance. At least we give ourselves a chance.

So 2010 was, where I had several traveling here and there, it began to where I had to visit my bestfriend on her master graduation and had a bit party, came with a red nose for the cold temperature of the sudden snow falls yet felt warm for having my bestfriend around me. Back with swollen red eyes for non stop crying of being told that he doesn’t love me anymore. But I managed to survive yet lose some weights. On that year also where I had a job on summer break which pushed me to go back and forth between the exams and the money. And I survived too, not in my top condition but again I managed.  Life was hard when you have to struggle alone, and the year 2010 was the year where I detached from any(thing)one I can count on. The year where I woke up in the middle of the night sweating alot for worrying about my life, my insecured life.

I lose count of how many times I cried on the year 2010 and there’s nothing to do about my inability of counting. The year where my heart stitched open both of jealousy or being pushed away. The year where I constantly begged God either to give him back to me with all the good moments which I’ve ever shared with him, the conversations, the stay over night, the laughter, the even silliest thing we did or to just take the pain away or to give me job to keep me busy. Yet the pain stayed, the moment’s gone but I got the job. And started to pack my backpack again to go, pointing my finger tip on the map and ended up in the night train with 7 other people in one compartment.

My life in 2010 was also where I donated voluntarily almost 10 kg of my weight, not something to be missed though, but as I can tell 2010 was not the year which I had a good note about. But back in my country, my family member added, here I got 2 extended brother. And my brother soon will tie the knot.

The year 2010 was where I played over and over again the same song “Violet Hill” from Coldplay and desperately crying and crying after the song. The year where I decided to travel away from him but however far I go, I think about him every single day. The year that my heart scattered around but become stronger, resilient and jealous-proof. And I found myself 100% sane by the end of the year. Survived with wounded heart, worried mind and losing weight, yet survived. So don’t worry about where the weight go, don’t worry about this wounded heart, surely it went to a good cause, to me become stronger.


Posted: November 23, 2010 in story over coffee
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I love bubblewrap since I was a little. So, everytime my mom bought some fragile things such as vase, plates or any electronical stuffs, I would be patiently waiting until everything unwrapped and I can have the bubblewraps for myself. Sometimes, I shared them with my big brother, but mostly I kept them for myself. Not literally keep them, actually, because what I did was, popping off the bubbles, from one side to another. Sometimes I did randomly, like started popping them off from the center, and went zigzagging. And I love the sound when they were popped off. And it’s somehow very addictive, that I could not stop until everything popped off. It gives me a happy feeling not to mention a good giggles.

I love bubblewrap, not only because I can have a good feeling after popping them off, but because the ability of this simple thing in protecting stuffs from breaking. I once had my camera (SLR one) being sent from my capital city to my home city, and I received it flawless, thanks to bubblewrap. So I was thinking, if only the heart (yes the heart which any living creature has) had a bubblewrap in protecting it from breaking, so there won’t be the certain thing called “brokenhearted”. Would it be nice?