Posts Tagged ‘traveling’

This writing is not merely a rocket science, I warn you, human. If you think your IQ level will escalate after reading this, please leave this page, immediately.
First, I will introduce who I am, not by name of course nor about my life. Its not that I am so happy to tell you about my self, but after 30 years and so of my life, I am delighted to have this identification, beside, this thing will be related to what I write.
I am ambivert, it is the person who is moderately comfortable with groups and social interaction, but also relished time alone, away from a crowd. #justsoyouknow (Guess this post deserves hashtag in one way or another) I am neither an extrovert nor an introvert. So, go to hell about 16 personalities of human that from time to time identify me as an ISTP, who stands for Introvert, Sensing, Thinking and Perceiving. (I know you havent taken that test, it does not matter anyway) I dont mind about the other three identifications, but being identified as an Introvert got me thinking, because I dont feel like belong to that group. So yeah, lets say I am very comfortable with certain group of people for some certain reasons, but feel so detached to other group of people for some other reasons. And the crowd scares the hell out of me at some points but at the other time, I will just say, fuck it, bring it on!
Speaking of which, crowd drives me crazy, because you can not control the mind of the crowd, it wont hurt you though, it hurts me, I will just over think whatever people have in mind, be it a good thing or a bad thing. I always wonder whether there is anything more terrifying than the human mind. This is why I cherish myself as an avid reader. Reading is my sanctuary when the world outside seems to harm me. And this is where the purpose of my index finger at the first place, to swipe over page by page of the books (after being slightly licked on the tip, of course). But then in the harmful life crowding with uncontrollable minds, the purpose deviates.
As in parallel, we all are now living in digital / cyber life. The young people are not able to maintain the eye contact for roughly 7 minutes during real time conversation without checking their devices (smart phones) let alone to respond whatever in it. Sad but true. I don’t whine about this, other people did already. However this thing is inevitable. And its no exception for me. I limit my self to only use a few of social media apps, in order not to engage my self a way too much in this digital / cyber life. I proudly say, I deactivated my facebook since 2012 and I can manage the temptation to reactivate. And I am not into engaging myself into other famous apps such as path which tells where you are, what you are doing, eating and who you are fucking with. I like to keep my private things private.
But the other sides of cyber things fascinate me, all the simplicity, the easiness, and the ability of knowing things remotely, effortlessly. Things started when the observation comes in handy, you can do research back home, on your hammock or even under the mango tree (why mango tree??) and you dont necessarily meet the dork librarian to explain your needs, cause you got everything in your hands. So yes, it deviates, the purpose of index finger deviates. Still use it to swipe though, but now digitally. The smell of books will take your memories to a wonderland, but you can take e-book anywhere for the sake of its lightness.
And of course stalking comes handy as well. Imagine stalking in real life will creep the hell out of people not to mention having the restrain order would be ugly. I remember my best friend had this crush for sometime and she likely to be found checking this crush facebook over and over in a day. She could tell that this dude had 114 profile pictures and still not updating his status today. Frustrating, yet unbearable. We probably find ourselves googling our crushname, trying to figure out who he/she is. Hacking his/her pictures and putting them together with your pictures on “how does your future baby look like” software. Once, I hacked my ex boyfriend cell phone number (hope he doesnt read this post) and bombarded him with messages from never the same country code. I did trial and error first, sending it to my own number and checked the IP address and stuffs, tethering back and for from the computer to the cell phone, because of course you can not make any mistake. I was one of those pathetic people hacking stuffs and stalking certain people only because I can and (yes) pathetic.

I am done with all of those now. Because whats the point of trying to figure out how the future baby look like by mixing up your picture and his/her picture? What about hacking his sperm and putting it together with your egg and do in vitro fertilization and be having mini you instead of the picture of future baby. Not a good idea!
But dude, I am here writing to actually praise the online shops. This is my new addiction (after coffee and traveling of course), back in Europe; I used to buy Indonesian food online from the Netherlands to Italy. Because sometimes you just could not take it anymore of mass production pasta from your University Canteen. How convenient it is   to only swipe your index finger on things you need and wait for couple of days to those stuffs come into your door. You dont fuzz to meet people to bargain / negotiate or even to walk in the nasty weather, no? I dont have to be in the crowd, Yay to that! Then you swipe more, from things necessary to the things that PROBABLY needed one day. (gotta prepare an umbrella for a rainy days). From basic needs to humm maybe I will need this bottle opener cause dude its 5% discount!!


Then I started download the apps; amazon, tickets app, whatever, you name it. Swiping them in a daily basis, like this is my purpose of life, the purpose of my index finger. Because the feeling of waiting for the stuffs coming like you are in your childhood waiting for Santa on the Christmas eve and I dont even celebrate Christmas!!

Back here, I found online shops are big business, they are everywhere, they use anything, and they are persistent. Instagram be like occupied by 50% of online shops. They sell anything, dicknity too (was it a correct spell??). One day, I found myself buying wig, I didnt know what I was thinking.


Of course I sometimes have bad hair day like most people do, but buying wig?? Was it me or my alter ego or my index finger has its own mind. WIG! yes that extended hair, and I bought a short one, whats the point?? Then never used shirts, lipsticks, high heels (seriously), more never used cosmetics, toiletries, traveling bag, more shoes, chalk hair (yes, I am this silly), pants, train tickets, plane tickets, more train tickets, and more and more plane tickets and oh a plastic press. And I know I am not done yet, and I just heard the sound bing! from my cell phone and I should check, cause this supposed to be the offer of round tickets to humm another wonderland, andiamo!*

*andiamo! = Lets go!


I am trying to compile things happened in 2010. Still remember how we were 6 standing on the balcony and screamed from the top of our lungs of whatever we felt like at that time. I was screaming out my country’s name. I had no idea what was in my mind. Then we started screaming out any word amongst the fireworks and thousands of pictures taking. What’s so good thing of new year is that we feel like start over again from the beginning. Even it’s not practically right, but yes we have another chance. At least we give ourselves a chance.

So 2010 was, where I had several traveling here and there, it began to where I had to visit my bestfriend on her master graduation and had a bit party, came with a red nose for the cold temperature of the sudden snow falls yet felt warm for having my bestfriend around me. Back with swollen red eyes for non stop crying of being told that he doesn’t love me anymore. But I managed to survive yet lose some weights. On that year also where I had a job on summer break which pushed me to go back and forth between the exams and the money. And I survived too, not in my top condition but again I managed.  Life was hard when you have to struggle alone, and the year 2010 was the year where I detached from any(thing)one I can count on. The year where I woke up in the middle of the night sweating alot for worrying about my life, my insecured life.

I lose count of how many times I cried on the year 2010 and there’s nothing to do about my inability of counting. The year where my heart stitched open both of jealousy or being pushed away. The year where I constantly begged God either to give him back to me with all the good moments which I’ve ever shared with him, the conversations, the stay over night, the laughter, the even silliest thing we did or to just take the pain away or to give me job to keep me busy. Yet the pain stayed, the moment’s gone but I got the job. And started to pack my backpack again to go, pointing my finger tip on the map and ended up in the night train with 7 other people in one compartment.

My life in 2010 was also where I donated voluntarily almost 10 kg of my weight, not something to be missed though, but as I can tell 2010 was not the year which I had a good note about. But back in my country, my family member added, here I got 2 extended brother. And my brother soon will tie the knot.

The year 2010 was where I played over and over again the same song “Violet Hill” from Coldplay and desperately crying and crying after the song. The year where I decided to travel away from him but however far I go, I think about him every single day. The year that my heart scattered around but become stronger, resilient and jealous-proof. And I found myself 100% sane by the end of the year. Survived with wounded heart, worried mind and losing weight, yet survived. So don’t worry about where the weight go, don’t worry about this wounded heart, surely it went to a good cause, to me become stronger.